so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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