I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
