Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
only you would photoshop your dick
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
