Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
