She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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