I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize