Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
