she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
