The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
