I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
