If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
