is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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