i jhust puked up my retainher.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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