Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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