We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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