I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just had sex bonerless
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I party with great urgency now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize