Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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