is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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