I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
