I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize