Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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