I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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