I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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