can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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