i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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