Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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