so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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