we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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