the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
