he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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