the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
