You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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