god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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