I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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