The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
