If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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