how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
