i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Randomize
