I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
