Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
