Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
