all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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