A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize