Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
where am i from again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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