Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
