if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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