Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
