I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
