Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
