i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
