Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
