member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
