Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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