I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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