I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
