But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
