Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
