he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
