i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
