YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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