I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
