We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
