You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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