what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
