Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
