After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
