in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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