Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
