I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
