I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
