At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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